Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
