some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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