never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
