You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
