I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
