I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
