Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
