he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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