Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
