I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
