Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
