Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't deserve a penis
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
