Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
