I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
