so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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