your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
