I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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