why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
