i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
