you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
