dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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