Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
