god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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