I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Randomize
