No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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