I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm at about main and main street
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
tell me about the eggs
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