im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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