my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
is wine microwaveable?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
