i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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