Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
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