My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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