So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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