I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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