this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
