Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
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apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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