she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
