i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Houston, we have a blender
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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