Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
