Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
