His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
