my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm passing your future prison.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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