I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
