Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
