the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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