need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
