I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
