the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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