Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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