HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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