My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
