Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
