Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
