Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
