Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
