I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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