Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
