just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
