i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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