haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
