dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
