The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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