just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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