you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
