When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
